Doesn't Matter if You're Skinny or Fat

As I was painting my living room walls tonight, I had an overwhelming wave of sadness (this happens often and I think it has something to do with hormones! and maybe the Coffeehouse music I was listening to!)... it really doesn't matter whether you're skinny or fat. I often think skinny people have it easier, that their lives are better somehow, and that may or may not be true in some ways (i.e., since they look good in EVERYTHING they wear and aren't carrying around the weight of 40 extra pounds - and I don't mean that in a blaming way). But relationships are always hard, any kind of relationship. It seems especially so with family and men, but men don't like or love you anymore when you're skinny. I had been looking at pictures of myself when I was skinny (I didn't know I was skinny of course), and I am pretty sure I didn't date or "fall in love" any more when I was thin than I do when I'm fat.

I also discovered, not necessarily a new discovery, that I've been depressed off and on most of my life. It makes me wonder if my sister was right when she said I'm bi-polar (and I don't mean she was right in the WAY she said it). Then of course I was thinking about how disappointing family life has been; I guess I expected more and that always gets me into trouble.

Anyone reading this should also note, I tend to hate everything when I am not feeling well. And I have been feeling very achy all over. I'm hoping it's the lack of progesterone since I ran out of cream. Times like these are NOT fun. Did I mention I felt like bursting into tears? Yeah, let's hope that cream really helps again. (I also ran out of magnesium-zinc, and I just think I can't let these things run out in the future). I did at least finally look up an endocrinologist here - specializes in metabolism, diabetes and hormone. Perhaps I'll find a good one here.