Gosh, sorry ...

...I didn't realize how many times I had blogged about "Mom doing better." Well, I guess you know how Mom's doing! ;o)

Week #2

I meant to mention if I didn't already (the days and words run together the past few weeks), I have found what I think may be a good therapist here. Your words of encouragement and urgings to talk to someone about all the family stuff I've been dealing with have been so helpful. I told her (her name is Dr. Dancer, a neat name) I hadn't been to a therapist in a couple years, but it dawned on me, it's been longer than that. Anyway, it's the first psychiatrist I've been to - I've been to a spiritual counselor, a psychologist, and a "regular" therapist, but I don't believe I've seen a psychiatrist.

It has been such a relief already even after just 2 visits to be able to vent my sister and brother-in-law frustrations, and have someone to talk to about how to handle these things, how I feel so pressured to "do" things for people all the time, the guilt that I'm never doing enough, etc. The first visit happened right after all the events with Mom, so that has been the focus of our conversations, and how my family has reacted, or helped, or not helped, how exhausting it's been, etc.

A silly thing: it helps she commented on my new red shoes (ha), and yesterday, she had the exact same skirt I have - and I told her, "I know women probably don't like to hear this, but I have the exact same skirt!" She said, "well, we both have good taste." Silly but it made me feel good, ha!

These chats have reminded me of how much support I received in NC, and how much I lost my support network when I moved. And I don't mean I lost each of you, but more that not living there, I don't have as much "access" to your friendship and support. Anyway, I appreciate each of you, and hope you have a good weekend.

Good

Mom?s improving overall - a bit of an up-and-down week because of the pain in her shoulder/back, (and the indigestion), and we aren't supposed to give her any meds. so these minor things seemed to make us a bit more nervous. But I had conversations with both Dr. Hill (cardiologist) & Dr. Tom (her doc in Okmulgee). Today, I faxed the hospital discharge instructions and Mom?s b/p diary (which has been good) to Dr. Alexander. He knows her history the best but didn?t seem to have any information yet from St. Francis hospital, and it seemed didn?t even know she?d been released yet from the hospital.

Dr. Tom said she could have Tums and could take more Extra Strength Tylenol than she had been taking (she?d barely been taking any!) She can now lift her left arm, great! She wasn?t able to make her coffee or anything so I?ve been doing that and I don?t mind; it's been enjoyable even if exhausting. She?s been reading a lot, and sleeping, also great. She was SOUND asleep when I left for work this morning, and I told her later via phone that I hovered over her, just to make sure she was breathing since she?s normally up by then and we share a cup of coffee. She was resting well.

I am headed to KS City next Thurs-Saturday, and Mom will be staying at Steph?s then ?

We started off ...

We started off this Friday morning at our usual off-site staff meeting at the campus coffee shop. Our director started the meeting off by asking each one of us to remember today and to share if we recalled what we were doing the morning of 9/11. When I told my story, I mentioned a couple of us did not want to be alone after that happened, and we gathered at my house to watch in horror the events at the Towers.

It was a good way to start off the day - remembering those at the Towers and on the planes, and my wonderful and supportive friends in NC.

Mom Better

Mom's tests are still good - the hospital continues to do more testing but are ruling out a ton of things. Her stress test results today turned out good...the test itself was hard on her and she sounded exhausted, but she sounded good. I called the siblings to let them know and told them I thought it would be best to not have visitors tomorrow. I don't know if that message will really be "heard" or not. My uncle will be there for her next test, which is a stimulation of the adrenals (long story but different than the steroids she's been on). We're now trying to figure out when she's coming home (well, to Stillwater), and we need to get her changes of clothes since she'll be staying with us for a bit, and maybe her car. My sister and her husband continue to infuriate me and I'm exhausted but came home early from work today and slept. I finally found a therapist and I know that will help to talk to someone about all this family stuff and the pressures I feel. Tomorrow, work and then decisions about what I'm doing next (driving back to Tulsa, or driving to Morris to get Mom's stuff, etc.)

Thanks for all the support and calls. I'm off to Walgreen's to pick up my sleeping pill which I cannot seem to sleep without (oy, I know ... not ideal but it works). It feels SO good to be home tonight with the dogs and in my own bed. I slept her last night but don't even remember it. The dogs I think are happy to have me home too. More later,