Finally, good weather in Okla. At least for a little while! I have been SO busy with so many things and way behind on emails, Facebook, etc. I think that's good, but I'm pooped.
A couple weeks ago, I decided to attend my first "Sustainable Stillwater" business meeting, which is the recycling group that is starting to make things happen here. We already had several recycling bins/areas throughout the town, but now we have a very nice recycling center, central to downtown, and it's so much nicer than the other older areas. Anyway, it was a good meeting. I am just trying to "find my way" and find something I want to participate in. I have not been sure I wanted to get "involved" too much with the community. But I'm finding I feel better about things, life, myself, when I do.
The radio station just finished up another pledge drive. Drives are always 8 days of intense fun, exhaustion and emotions. Another thing I decided was that my bosses are human, and while they make really horrible management decisions and are not the best managers, they are truly passionate about what they do and it's for a good cause, a good service to the community. The station is truly loved here and it comes through in all the member comments I read, people I talk to. I asked the staff if we could pool together and show our appreciation for the 3 bosses in some way. The station is celebrating 55 years on the air, so we tied into that and got a beautiful cake with our 55th anniv. logo on it, and the script read something like, "Kelly, Rachel and Dan, we appreciate all that you do to make KOSU what it is today. Your KOSU staff." We gave them each a $50 gift card to local restaurants, and I invited about 30 volunteers and major donors to join us. We had about 25 people crammed into the studio to surprise them after our last on-air pitch. I think they were really surprised. As for looking for other jobs, I keep an eye on what's out there but I'm staying where I am for the moment. I look at other jobs here and I just can't see anything I would be passionate about.
On a separate note, Adam and I are doing pretty well. We've had moments where I think (and we've said) we are kindred spirits. And it's great when I think that way and when we have those moments. But I have a few doubts I'm working through with my therapist (who is really great but I think VERY conservative). One of the toughest things is that he smokes pot, a lot. I am pretty certain daily. I'm just not used to it, and it does affect our conversations a bit. He may grow out of it, but I'm not certain of that either; I think it's just a part of his lifestyle and who he is. I told the doc, I'm trying not to judge ... thinking, how is that any different than my drinking wine or beer. I guess the difference to me, and what I struggle with is the addiction part of it. His smoking (cigs and pot), his eating habits and lack of activity. He's been really wonderful though so that makes decisions extra tough.
I am currently working on two paintings, one of which is for his company doing a silent auction in 2 weeks to benefit his org. I've started sketching it but nowhere near complete. The other one is one I haven't worked on since last Fall and painted on it last night, hoping to finish it soon.
It's sunny but cool right now - I'm sitting out on the front porch for the first time in a long time. I'm hoping to go for a hike at Lake McMurtry later today if it's warm enough. I think it might be 70?
Oh, the other news.... I stopped taking Ambien. Two years of that. It was a bit of an accident ... I was taking muscle relaxants and pain pills for my back, so I was taking those and they helped me to sleep so I didn't take Ambien anymore. Took the last of the muscle relaxants last week, so I'm on nothing and my sleep pattern is showing. This week, waking up at 3:30 and 4:30 a.m. Eventually I fall back to sleep but not for long before I have to get up for work. My hope is this is temporary but I don't really know right now, too early to tell.
Well, I need to get started on the rest of my day. I hope all is well with you all. I sure miss my NC girlfriends!
Love, P
Saturday, April 3, 2010
Friday, January 29, 2010
Long Time to Write
Well, it's been a long time since I wrote here. Things have been extra busy around here it seems... you already know about my fostering 7 pups for 2 weeks (good experience, but never again that many). And I think I mentioned my Dad had a stroke, so my brother and I have been working together on Dad's care, always a challenge with Dad as you know. Sis wants to be less involved so that's why I didn't mention her. Greg & I visited him last Sunday, and he's doing ok, stubborn and challenging as ever.
Today, Friday and overnight, we received some snow and ice. Of course, a few pellets here and there and the town shuts down! Campus is closed today, and closed yesterday at 1:00. Since our radio station is part of OSU and we're on campus, we are on the same hours. But I would imagine some people are still at work anyway. I am doing a few work things from home, but expect it will be a slow work day. I may try to see Book of Eli later today w/Adam.
Adam and I are doing pretty well actually. He's been a real trooper, helping me with the pups and pampering me when I threw my back out again about 3 weeks ago. It has been tough - I go to work, but I don't sit...it has been too painful to sit... I stand at the computer. I am in physical therapy 2x/week and on pain meds, muscle relaxants at night during the work week.
Adam had a party with his friends last Saturday, and I helped him with that. I think there were 14 of us; he made chicken fried steak, stir-fry veggies, and dessert. We drank a little, played cards, fun music, and even danced a little. One of the girls has an 18-mo old. It was fun to meet all of them.
Just talked to my niece Kaia on the phone - she gave me a kiss on the phone (and accidentally hung up on me). Too funny. She can say "Paula" pretty clearly now, although sometimes it sounds like "Pada". When I leave the room at their house, say to the bathroom, she runs up and down the hall, saying my name over and over, looking for me. It's so cute and makes me feel special. :o)
I am still talking to a psychologist here and really think it's helping (thanks again to Maureen and Janie for urging me to do so!). She is very good to talk to and helps me stay sane!
Wiley & Joey have been fine, maybe a little neglected lately with the pups and the weather being so unpredictable, then my back issues. They don't get walks near like they used to, but I'll get back to that soon I hope.
I mentioned Adam & I may be seeing "Book of Eli" later today (depending on my back; not sure I can sit that long but feeling better so thought I'd try it). I've heard great things. I watched "A Serious Man" this week, it was odd, Cohen brothers film, about Jewish characters. Very odd. I usually like odd films, but I'm not sure I liked this one that much. I saw Avatar, liked the visual effects but the story had been done many times. I don't see movies near like I used to; I've put my Netflix on hold, maybe for the 5th time!? I don't have the same focus I used to, so it's hard for me to sit still to watch. I heard "A Single Man" is also very good!
It seems whatever free time I have, I sleep or do the normal things to keep up with life, and that does NOT include finishing painting my living room. So I still have the walls painted 3/4 up the wall but not above the drapery line, so part of the wall is blue, and part beige. Eventually I'll get to it!
That's a (long) upeate from me in Stillwater! Hope to talk to you all soon,
Today, Friday and overnight, we received some snow and ice. Of course, a few pellets here and there and the town shuts down! Campus is closed today, and closed yesterday at 1:00. Since our radio station is part of OSU and we're on campus, we are on the same hours. But I would imagine some people are still at work anyway. I am doing a few work things from home, but expect it will be a slow work day. I may try to see Book of Eli later today w/Adam.
Adam and I are doing pretty well actually. He's been a real trooper, helping me with the pups and pampering me when I threw my back out again about 3 weeks ago. It has been tough - I go to work, but I don't sit...it has been too painful to sit... I stand at the computer. I am in physical therapy 2x/week and on pain meds, muscle relaxants at night during the work week.
Adam had a party with his friends last Saturday, and I helped him with that. I think there were 14 of us; he made chicken fried steak, stir-fry veggies, and dessert. We drank a little, played cards, fun music, and even danced a little. One of the girls has an 18-mo old. It was fun to meet all of them.
Just talked to my niece Kaia on the phone - she gave me a kiss on the phone (and accidentally hung up on me). Too funny. She can say "Paula" pretty clearly now, although sometimes it sounds like "Pada". When I leave the room at their house, say to the bathroom, she runs up and down the hall, saying my name over and over, looking for me. It's so cute and makes me feel special. :o)
I am still talking to a psychologist here and really think it's helping (thanks again to Maureen and Janie for urging me to do so!). She is very good to talk to and helps me stay sane!
Wiley & Joey have been fine, maybe a little neglected lately with the pups and the weather being so unpredictable, then my back issues. They don't get walks near like they used to, but I'll get back to that soon I hope.
I mentioned Adam & I may be seeing "Book of Eli" later today (depending on my back; not sure I can sit that long but feeling better so thought I'd try it). I've heard great things. I watched "A Serious Man" this week, it was odd, Cohen brothers film, about Jewish characters. Very odd. I usually like odd films, but I'm not sure I liked this one that much. I saw Avatar, liked the visual effects but the story had been done many times. I don't see movies near like I used to; I've put my Netflix on hold, maybe for the 5th time!? I don't have the same focus I used to, so it's hard for me to sit still to watch. I heard "A Single Man" is also very good!
It seems whatever free time I have, I sleep or do the normal things to keep up with life, and that does NOT include finishing painting my living room. So I still have the walls painted 3/4 up the wall but not above the drapery line, so part of the wall is blue, and part beige. Eventually I'll get to it!
That's a (long) upeate from me in Stillwater! Hope to talk to you all soon,
Saturday, December 5, 2009
December Already
Well, it's Dec and I have not done a good job of getting caught up with everyone. I thought I'd update my blog which I haven't done in a long time either! Things have been hectic, stressful, good and bad I suppose.
First, I've been dating someone - he and I hung out at first when we met in March, then again in July, went to movies, blues festival, etc., but we've become I think "girlfriend/boyfriend!" I'm meeting his friends today in OK City, and we're going to NM for vacation in a couple weeks! He's very sweet and very young - yes, Cougar I am. More on that as I know more.
Mom is doing better, is in Houston right now with my brother and his family. She may be there through January! Her health is steady.
Dad thought he had a stroke this week; we are still trying to figure out what's going on there. So I don't know much except he was slurring his speech really badly, and sounded awful. He's 75 and his wife is 85 I think so she's not much help to him. I am calling him today on the way to the City. I've contacted his brother to find out if they have ideas for who in his family lives closer by and could check on them.
Dogs are good. Adam has a very sweet dog who gets along great with Wiley & Joey.
Work has been upsetting, disappointing in many ways. Long story for when we talk next. I waffle between whether I can stay there or not, but I still love the station.
Ok, gotta get going to OKC! Write when you can!
First, I've been dating someone - he and I hung out at first when we met in March, then again in July, went to movies, blues festival, etc., but we've become I think "girlfriend/boyfriend!" I'm meeting his friends today in OK City, and we're going to NM for vacation in a couple weeks! He's very sweet and very young - yes, Cougar I am. More on that as I know more.
Mom is doing better, is in Houston right now with my brother and his family. She may be there through January! Her health is steady.
Dad thought he had a stroke this week; we are still trying to figure out what's going on there. So I don't know much except he was slurring his speech really badly, and sounded awful. He's 75 and his wife is 85 I think so she's not much help to him. I am calling him today on the way to the City. I've contacted his brother to find out if they have ideas for who in his family lives closer by and could check on them.
Dogs are good. Adam has a very sweet dog who gets along great with Wiley & Joey.
Work has been upsetting, disappointing in many ways. Long story for when we talk next. I waffle between whether I can stay there or not, but I still love the station.
Ok, gotta get going to OKC! Write when you can!
Monday, October 5, 2009
October Already?
Here it is October. I am so far behind on emails and phone calls but thinking of you guys! Mom is still staying with me but probably gets to go home after her doc appt this Thursday. We've had a lot of fun and laughs and I'm glad to have had this time with her. It's going to be eerily quiet at my house now, and I am thinking, if I some day meet the "right" person, someone who can move and live in sync with you, then maybe living with someone wouldn't be so bad. I know I and the dogs will miss her. In my small house, I'd say we've done really well together. Her b/p has been mostly good and the doc will tell us what's next for her when we meet this Thursday. She's been off ALL medications (she was on a bunch) since she left the hospital; not sure they will put her on some again or not. I'll probably take that afternoon off. Turns out her adrenal system was ok, which seemed strange to me - I thought it would have been that.
Saturday morning, Mom & I went to watch our little KOSU news reporter, Gail, (she's very petite) drive a big community transit bus in a parking lot obstacle course ... it's something they do each year here, get the "celebrities" to drive a bus I believe to raise awareness of community transit. It was pretty funny and we had a good time. It was kinda cold out so Mom & I went to Starbuck's afterward and Steph & I walked Boomer Lake after that. The weather has been amazing and I'm enjoying the cool crisp air (Mom is constantly cold). It felt good to get exercise other than walk the dogs. Steph & I had a pretty good conversation (for us anyway). She has a 3rd job interview with Blue Cross Blue Shield but it's in Tulsa not OKC, so she's torn about whether she/they want to move there if she gets the offer. Anyway, after the walk, Mom & I babysat Kaia for about 3 hours Saturday evening and then I was hopefully "done" with the family thing, exhausting but mostly good. Sunday was supposed to rain and I told Mom, I'm staying home all day, to clean, organize, chill, watch a movie. And that's what we did. It was so nice to be at home for a full day.
Things have been crazy busy at work, getting ready for our next on-air fundraiser in 2 weeks, and it seems I have very little "alone" time at work or home so I'm feeling pretty pulled in many directions, but, doing ok. Dealing with a different kind of anxiety than I've had in the past (chest) and a sinus infection but I think it's on its way out. It's been nice talking to my new therapist about all the issues with my sister; having an objective person who doesn't know my family to comment or help guide me on what seems to be perhaps one of the more challenging relationships I've had. It may seem so obvious, but she suggested, having grown up around my dad, my family is most likely prone to push people away, not embrace each other in. And I do think that's what my sis and I do with each other. Funny how our family influences us still.
Well, I've been writing this all a.m., in between work stuff, so I better get off here. I hope to talk to you soon. Next Saturday I'm doing a suicide prevention walk in Tulsa and will probably meet with my dad somewhere afterward but alone time = phone time. I hope you are all enjoying the fall weather you're getting there! Love, P
Saturday morning, Mom & I went to watch our little KOSU news reporter, Gail, (she's very petite) drive a big community transit bus in a parking lot obstacle course ... it's something they do each year here, get the "celebrities" to drive a bus I believe to raise awareness of community transit. It was pretty funny and we had a good time. It was kinda cold out so Mom & I went to Starbuck's afterward and Steph & I walked Boomer Lake after that. The weather has been amazing and I'm enjoying the cool crisp air (Mom is constantly cold). It felt good to get exercise other than walk the dogs. Steph & I had a pretty good conversation (for us anyway). She has a 3rd job interview with Blue Cross Blue Shield but it's in Tulsa not OKC, so she's torn about whether she/they want to move there if she gets the offer. Anyway, after the walk, Mom & I babysat Kaia for about 3 hours Saturday evening and then I was hopefully "done" with the family thing, exhausting but mostly good. Sunday was supposed to rain and I told Mom, I'm staying home all day, to clean, organize, chill, watch a movie. And that's what we did. It was so nice to be at home for a full day.
Things have been crazy busy at work, getting ready for our next on-air fundraiser in 2 weeks, and it seems I have very little "alone" time at work or home so I'm feeling pretty pulled in many directions, but, doing ok. Dealing with a different kind of anxiety than I've had in the past (chest) and a sinus infection but I think it's on its way out. It's been nice talking to my new therapist about all the issues with my sister; having an objective person who doesn't know my family to comment or help guide me on what seems to be perhaps one of the more challenging relationships I've had. It may seem so obvious, but she suggested, having grown up around my dad, my family is most likely prone to push people away, not embrace each other in. And I do think that's what my sis and I do with each other. Funny how our family influences us still.
Well, I've been writing this all a.m., in between work stuff, so I better get off here. I hope to talk to you soon. Next Saturday I'm doing a suicide prevention walk in Tulsa and will probably meet with my dad somewhere afterward but alone time = phone time. I hope you are all enjoying the fall weather you're getting there! Love, P
Friday, September 11, 2009
Gosh, sorry ...
...I didn't realize how many times I had blogged about "Mom doing better." Well, I guess you know how Mom's doing! ;o)
Week #2
I meant to mention if I didn't already (the days and words run together the past few weeks), I have found what I think may be a good therapist here. Your words of encouragement and urgings to talk to someone about all the family stuff I've been dealing with have been so helpful. I told her (her name is Dr. Dancer, a neat name) I hadn't been to a therapist in a couple years, but it dawned on me, it's been longer than that. Anyway, it's the first psychiatrist I've been to - I've been to a spiritual counselor, a psychologist, and a "regular" therapist, but I don't believe I've seen a psychiatrist.
It has been such a relief already even after just 2 visits to be able to vent my sister and brother-in-law frustrations, and have someone to talk to about how to handle these things, how I feel so pressured to "do" things for people all the time, the guilt that I'm never doing enough, etc. The first visit happened right after all the events with Mom, so that has been the focus of our conversations, and how my family has reacted, or helped, or not helped, how exhausting it's been, etc.
A silly thing: it helps she commented on my new red shoes (ha), and yesterday, she had the exact same skirt I have - and I told her, "I know women probably don't like to hear this, but I have the exact same skirt!" She said, "well, we both have good taste." Silly but it made me feel good, ha!
These chats have reminded me of how much support I received in NC, and how much I lost my support network when I moved. And I don't mean I lost each of you, but more that not living there, I don't have as much "access" to your friendship and support. Anyway, I appreciate each of you, and hope you have a good weekend.
It has been such a relief already even after just 2 visits to be able to vent my sister and brother-in-law frustrations, and have someone to talk to about how to handle these things, how I feel so pressured to "do" things for people all the time, the guilt that I'm never doing enough, etc. The first visit happened right after all the events with Mom, so that has been the focus of our conversations, and how my family has reacted, or helped, or not helped, how exhausting it's been, etc.
A silly thing: it helps she commented on my new red shoes (ha), and yesterday, she had the exact same skirt I have - and I told her, "I know women probably don't like to hear this, but I have the exact same skirt!" She said, "well, we both have good taste." Silly but it made me feel good, ha!
These chats have reminded me of how much support I received in NC, and how much I lost my support network when I moved. And I don't mean I lost each of you, but more that not living there, I don't have as much "access" to your friendship and support. Anyway, I appreciate each of you, and hope you have a good weekend.
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